Whiplash
by Twistedmind365
Summary: Ed lost his parents and his brother's sanity. Now with two automail limbs and an autistic sibling, Ed must face yet another rough time in his already-horrific life: high school. RoyxEd slash. AU. Rated for future lemons  ? , cursing, and some dark themes.
1. Memories

Whiplash

Pairing: RoyxEd

Rating: M for possible future lemons as well as some dark themes, slight violence, and language. This is AU. Yes, it's another one of those 'cliché' high school fics. But this one happens to have a few twists and turns in its text…

A petite golden-haired teenager sat looking at the sky. His longish blond hair was tied back in a braid as per usual, and it dangled slightly as he sat down on his back porch with his hands propping him up behind his back, fingers splayed. The young protégé spent at least a half-hour doing this every single night, just watching the stars twinkle as he pondered his life and theories. Ed was brilliant at Chemistry, Alchemy, and the like… However, his true event was music.

Piano and his voice were his areas of expertise. However vehemently he'd deny it, the boy was truly talented in the musical area. And he didn't deny it out of shame because his talents weren't 'cool'. He thought he had no talent.

That was last night. Right now, the blond was in the same spot, watching the stars and thinking about the awful night that had cost him both his parents.

_ A small boy with golden hair and eyes sits on a lab stool next to his father, watching the man perform his experiments. The art of Alchemy truly interested young Edward and Al, and of course their father was happy to see that. It was his chosen profession after all, and every father wants to see their sons following in their footsteps. It didn't hurt that Hoenheim's job was to be a brilliant, well paid, and world-renowned scientist._

_ The man noticed that he was running out of Sodium Bicarbonate and said he'd be out for around a half hour to go get some, and asked his two young sons and their mother (his wife) to watch over his project and keep it stabilized. The boys quickly accepted the job, and his wife nodded to show that she'd make sure the boys didn't allow it to be ruined. _

_ The man's wife was beautiful. Long, wavy ash brown hair down to her mid-waist, a slim, petite figure, full lips, a small nose with a slight upturn at the end, and jade-green eyes that always sparkled with life. She had a beautiful voice and was almost never in a bad mood, and truly loved Hoenheim. The boys adored her and looked up to their father. Before what happened happened, they would have seemed like a perfect family (albeit one that could use a baby girl). _

_The beaker overheated quickly and exploded all over the remaining Elrics, turning to acid as soon as it touched skin. Their mother got the brunt of it as she was closest, and she went down screaming. Edward has leaped forward to protect his younger brother, Alphonse, and was now missing his right arm and left leg. Al was physically unhurt… But the trauma from seeing his mother die in front of him and his brother trying so hard not to scream so he wouldn't scare him, Al's fragile mind snapped._

_ They'd not heard from Hoenheim since that day…_

"Brother? Brother… Isn't it time to go inside?" The still-childish voice of Alphonse called the teenager back to the present day. He saw the spiked suit of armor and smiled fondly, although not without a tinge of sadness. His brother had become autistic, and his obsession was medieval times. He now wore a suit of armor all the time… Whether that was because he just liked knights that much, or was subconsciously trying to protect himself, their therapist could not tell.

"Yes, I suppose it is, Al. I'll help you to bed and then I'll go right to bed myself, okay?" The younger's voice sounded more cheerful this time when he said "Okay then! Giddy up, horsie!" Ed carried his younger brother to bed and got him out of the metal suit. His body looked 17, but his mind was still that of an 11-year-old. Ed carded a hand through his soft brown locks and dropped a kiss on his forehead. "Night, Al." The soft clunk of his well-worn combat boots echoed slightly on the wooden floors of their small house. Ed got out of his day clothes and slid into bed, hoping for dreamless sleep. After all, he had to get up at 5 am tomorrow.

'_Tomorrow's the first day of hell- I mean high school. Wait, why am I censoring my thoughts? Okay, then, tomorrow's the first day of High School Hell. Joy.'_


	2. I Hate My Life

Alright, I forgot to say a few things in the last chapter. **Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Fullmetal Alchemist, its plot, or any of its characters. I am just playing in the esteemed lady's sandbox.**

This chapter was inspired by I Hate My Life by Theory of A Deadman and Tonight, Tonight, Tonight by Beat Crusaders, (the latter of which is the song in the beginning)

Warnings for this chapter: Pretty strong language and lots of OOCness.

Whiplash Chapter 2- I Hate My Life

An alarm went off. The time on the infernal red letters on the digital clock read 5:00 am. Golden eyes twitched, and the radio on that same machine turned on.

_Woke up with yawn, it's dawning: I'm still alive_

_Turned on my radio to start off new day… _

_As goddamned DJ's chattered how to survive_

_Amazing news got over on the air wave…_

_Tonight, love is-_

**Wham. **An automail fist smashed into the clock, hitting the mute button. Fortunately for the clock –but unfortunately for poor Ed- his grandmother had taken special care to get the thing made nearly indestructible…. No, seriously. The alarm clock was frigging MISSILE PROOF. Ed's face came up slightly from the pillow he was previously face-down on and looked at the thrice-damned contraption with narrowed ochre eyes. Nothing had EVER, and I repeat, EVER survived Ed's Patented Iron Fist of All-Hell Releasing® before. The blonde then dragged himself out of bed to get ready for school. Once he was decent and in his usual attire (black laceup combat boots, black leather pants, black tank, red button-down on top with the first few buttons undone, hair in standard braid) he went to go wake up Al.

Al went to his grandmother's house every day before Ed got to school. It pained Ed that Al couldn't go with him to school every day… And it hurt him to know that inside that suit of armor, his little brother… Had gone insane, and was getting more so by the day. He would be distant and spacey, and then he would go into a corner for long periods of time and refuse to come out or eat for days on end. Sometimes he was irrationally angry and would lash out at any who crossed his path, but most of the time he was docile and sweet as a newborn kitten. Well, not docile exactly… more like helpless. And he felt helpless, Ed was sure. Sometimes he could still hear Al screaming in the middle of the night… "No, I don't want to! GET OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE! I LOVE ED; I DON'T WANT TO HURT HIM! HE'S MY BROTHER! Just go away, stop talking to me! I hate you all, just go away! I don't even want to listen to you anymore!"

His brother was quietly going insane… Well, quietly outside his slumber anyway. His Granny Pinako didn't understand either. She didn't get why Al couldn't be normal and get out of that suit of armor and go to school like normal children his age. Ed was seriously considering taking her to their therapist so it could all be explained, preferably while he WASN'T in a one-mile radius of his grandmother. With that in mind, Ed woke up Al and had him in the car before the younger boy was even fully awake… Al didn't have to hunch over, as Ed had saved up a whole bunch of money and bought a convertible specifically so he could drive his brother in his suit of armor, assuming Ed had the top down. It didn't hurt that the car was also brand-new, sleek black with silver accents and red leather interior… Completely badass.

Ed dropped his brother off and turned tail to his car before he could catch his grandmothers disappointed and slightly irritated look… She was upset that Ed hadn't gotten Al out of the full- body armor yet. Ed drove as quickly as the speed limit would allow to his school, and gently rolled into a parking spot almost at the door. He was one of the first there, of course. He DID get up at 5 am for that specific reason, and would be doing so for the next year at least… Possibly the rest of his life, depending on what job he got. It was a gloomy thought, as Ed loved sleep as much as he hated milk. But it was necessary, and it wasn't like it would kill him. Determined to not be late on his first day of school, Ed trotted off to the Main Office to get his schedule.

The receptionist looked up when he entered the room and sneered slightly- whether it was at his height, hair, or clothing choice Ed didn't know- and asked for his name. "Elric, Edward." Ed replied in a slightly forced- sounding pleasant voice. The receptionist narrowed watery blue eyes at him, and Ed could tell she was reviewing lots of excuses to land him in detention on that very night. She seemed to rethink that when she recognized his name. "Wait, Edward Elric? Son of THE Hoenheim Elric? The famous scientist?" Ed's jaw clenched and his eyes hardened. "He did assist my mother in creating both myself and my younger brother, yes."

The receptionist didn't seem to sense the nerve that her needless question hit, and went on to say: "Oh, so cold to your poor father! How is he doing anyway? He hasn't been heard from in years! Did he move here with you? Well of course he did, he's your FATHER! What was I thinking? Can you set me up a meeting with him someday?" "No, he didn't. I haven't heard a word from the man, nor seen him since my mother passed six years ago. He hasn't attempted to call or visit, despite my brother's hopes which are getting crushed more with every day that passes. So no, I cannot set you up to meet him, Madame. Now, may I please have my schedule?"

Poleaxed, the middle-aged woman handed the petit teen his schedule and he left. Ed walked down the hallways, trying to read his schedule and walk at the same time. It seemed that he had Music first, with a… Ms. Rose as the teacher. Wasn't Rose a first name? Shrugging, he quickly found the room and sat down in one of the available seats in the third row. There were partnered tables, and each table had two keyboards placed on it. He saw other students file in slowly, but couldn't seem to find the teacher anywhere. His searching was brought to a halt by someone plopping into the desk next to him. He turned to look at the person next to him…

And his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. There was a guy there, dressed in a leather skirt with slits up the sides and knee-length leggings under that with combat boots on. As for his top half, he wore a high-necked shirt- one that Ed could tell would be exposing his stomach if it were not for the zipped-up leather jacket with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows. To make the male all the more interesting, he had incredibly long forest-green hair and brilliant amethyst eyes. One eyebrow raised when Ed got to his face, which made Ed's own eyes widen and a blush come across his face. Damn, he'd been caught staring.

The stranger spoke. "If you're wondering if I'm a single girl-" Ed interrupted. "I know you're not. I just tend to observe my surroundings thoroughly in case they may be of later use. I was staring at the keyboard and table just a minute ago. I wasn't trying to hit on you or anything…" The blond protégé trailed off. The other looked dumbstruck for just a moment, then smirked and whispered a bare inch from the Elric's ear "You're gay, aren't you?" Ed flushed and stammered "W-wh-what makes you think that?" The stranger licked his earlobe and bit it lightly. Ed's cheeks invented a new shade of red.

The green-haired boy smirked in delight. "THAT'S why. Anyway, I'm Envy." The blush on his face finally cooling, Ed managed to say "Envy…" He trailed off, waiting for a family name. "Just Envy." Ed smiled sympathetically. "I thought about disowning myself too… My asshole of a father left us… But then I learned that his name was… still is of great use in the higher-up circles." Envy frowned and then asked "Heh, that so? Who are you, anyway?" "Name's Edward Elric." The purple-eyed teen nodded in understanding. Who the hell would want to discard a name like Elric?

The two of them got through the period in relative peace… The teacher was a slightly insane Catholic who only taught gospel. And when he said **slightly **insane, he meant completely and utterly bat-shit insane. In a non-violent, religious way. Thankfully, the time sped by and Ed was heading off to his second class of the day, Gym. Ed was a bit nervous, as the uniform was long sweatpants and a t-shirt, which would leave his automail arm exposed. It would raise far too many questions for the teen's liking, but it couldn't be helped. Ed got there before anyone else and went to talk to the teacher about the rather sensitive subject of his artificial limbs. He rapped gently on the wooden door to Mr. Armstrong's office and waited for about a minute until the door was open.

He then found himself staring up at a giant of a man. He was at least 6 feet and had a body-builder type of physique. In contrast, he had kind blue eyes. Ed cleared his throat nervously. "Um… I have to speak with you about something before class starts." Armstrong nodded and let him in the office. The room was reasonably lit with a huge oak desk. Ed sat down and started. "Um, sir. I don't want to be a bother, but I thought I should inform you of something before class begins." He waited for Armstrong to nod before continuing. "The thing is, sir… Two of my limbs are metal. They're automail, a type of prosthetic arm that allows you to have feeling in that arm despite it being metal. You get a whole system of nerves in that arm and can feel everything, which is why it's incredibly painful to attach or detach. I didn't want to alarm you when class started, and I also came to ask you if you could possibly stop them talking about it to me, at least during this class period. It makes me uncomfortable."

Armstrong nodded sadly. This poor teenager had to suffer through all of that hate… All of that ridicule when someone found out. "May I ask you a few questions and have a look? My family all specialized in automail as a profession, so I picked up a few things." Ed's eyes widened slightly and then he nodded. He rolled up his right sleeve and left pant leg to display the shining limbs. "Okay, when was the last time you got this checked?" "Around six months ago. I get it checked regularly so I can be sure it fits all right." Armstrong felt a surge of pity. The poor boy's mechanic probably had to detach his limbs every single time he went in for a fitting to make sure the measurements were accurate and it fit well.

"How long have you had automail?" Ed flinched slightly. "Oh, around… Six years now, I guess." Armstrong barely managed to hide his own wince. Six years and at least two sets of excruciating pain per year… Armstrong nodded. "I will try to keep them busy at least this class period… I know EXACTLY what will distract them!" Armsrong boomed, his shirt tearing off his chest. Armstrong ran off to the gym, probably to change the lesson plans. Ed quickly got changed before anyone got a chance to show up and then, as per Armstrong's request, brought a cart of soft foam balls to the middle of the room. '_Sweet. Dodgeball!' _Thought Ed. When he got back with the cones to mark the area, the rest of the class was there… And the second he walked in, their eyes snapped to him… No, not him exactly- just his arm. In all the whispering commotion and the fear of being hated, the others and Ed failed to notice Armstrong pull a large fan and a box of glitter from seemingly nowhere.

In an instant, the glitter pelted the entire class and was invading their mouths, getting in their eyes and making them burn, and going just about anywhere you could think of… Yes, in some cases including some… non-appropriate places. Ed managed to find the plug in all the commotion and yanked it out of the socket. He then tried to shake all of the glitter off. He ended up having to unbraid his hair to get all the glitter out of it. Unfortunately for Ed, the moment he finished getting all the glitter out was the moment one of his female classmates looked up. Once she saw him with his hair down, she screamed "Aww, he's so pretty!" In roughly half a second, Ed managed to rebraid his hair, get off all of the remaining glitter, lean up against the wall with arms crossed over his chest, and raise one eyebrow. The girls looked at their peer like she'd gone insane, and she muttered under her breath. "It's not my fault you didn't catch him with his hair down!" Ed ran the fuck out of there, got dressed, and was speeding towards History before his mind even registered that he had left. When he finally realized why he was running- **whack**.

He had run face first into a well muscled and yet somehow soft chest that seemed to just radiate heat. He looked up from the man's collarbone which he had gotten a faceful of, and gasped slightly when he saw who was looking down at him. Well, in his mind, what was looking down at him. Because there was no doubt in Edward Elric's mind that this beautiful being could be human. A strong jawline and slightly full lips rested below an angular nose. The man's raven locks were unruly, and it almost looked like someone had just been carding their fingers through it and maybe pulling on it a bit. The most interesting feature, however, were his eyes. Incredibly deep royal blue that would appear black to those not paying close attention as Ed was. And it wasn't just because it was this stranger. Ed was just an observant person, plain and simple.

"What's with the glitter? Are you trying to make a statement or something? What happened?" you could almost **taste **the humor that the guy got out of this. Ed replied simply; "Armstrong." The stranger nodded sagely. Apparently, four years with the teacher at Central High Hell had wizened him up a bit. Ed suddenly noticed that he had placed his hands out to break his fall… The hands that were now fisting the angel's shirt. Blushing like mad, he let go and took a few steps back. The angel smirked. "I'm Roy Mustang. And you?" He said, offering his right hand… Damn. Now Ed would have to shake with the automail hand. Cautiously reaching out, wondering if Roy would be able to feel the cool metal through his leather glove, he said "Edward Elric."

Roy's eyebrow raised at the mention of his last name, but then went back into place smoothly as he realized that Hoenheim was a sensitive subject for Ed. "Well, see you later, maybe." Roy called over his shoulder as he walked away. Ed replied "Maybe." And tore off to History in hopes of getting there before the bell rang. His day was getting slightly better. Ed wondered if it would continue on the rest of the day. Perhaps high school wasn't really so bad…

You should know better than to jinx yourself, Edward Elric.


	3. You've Been Jinxed, Bitch!

**I do not own the characters, plot, or anything affiliated with Fullmetal Alchemist. All credit goes to Hiromu Arakawa. I am just playing with my own miniature Ed, Roy, Envy, insert character here, puppets.**

WARNINGS: Probably pretty strong language in this chapter too… I know I gave you a warning last chapter and there wasn't much cursing involved, but this will probably have lots, so be warned. And some OOC.

Ultimateyaoifangirl (first review)- No, it wasn't that much. It was just extremely potent. And yeah, but now Al's autistic and a schizophrenic. Still cute?

Amelia L. jones- Me too, and Ed's been carrying him for awhile now. In Al's mind, he wheighs exactly the same as he did before the incident, so he sees no reason why his brother shouldn't be able to give him a piggyback ride. Ed, meet year-long gym membership. You'll be bench pressing for a while there, blondie. As for the high school comment… Me too.

Ultimateyaoifangirl (second review)- Not really. Armstrong's just… Armstrong. And ya gotta admit, Edo-kun's got the eyes for it! And yes, yes he is.

Whiplash Chapter Three- You've Been Jinxed, Bitch!

History was relatively uneventful. The teacher was a very tall, very broad man with dark brown eyes, a close-shaved black beard, and ragged black hair. His name was Mr. Curtis... Ed saw that there was a Mrs. Curtis teaching his next period, Honors Chemistry, but he dismissed it as a fluke. Curtis was a common enough last name. He managed to make it from the history room to his next class without being noticed. Once he had slipped into an empty table in the middle row in the seat closest to the door, the teacher came in. She smiled approvingly at Ed once she saw that he was already in his seat. It was quickly replaced by a frown, however, once she saw that the only other person who had gotten to class before the bell rang- _was Roy. _Ed could feel his eyes widen and his cheeks flush slightly.

Roy smirked and plopped into the seat directly next to Ed and put his mouth an inch from Ed's ear. "You sat where I usually do." Ed felt his cheeks pinken even more as he felt Roy's breath tickling his neck, making him shiver. His eyes widened when he noticed that the elder man's lips were about three centimeters away from his skin, and Roy seemed to just _exude _heat. Unfortunately for the poor blond, his nipples hardened to the point where they were (if only slightly) visible from under both shirts. Roy's eyes widened and then returned to normal as he smirked. As he pulled away from Ed's ear, Roy's lips 'accidentally' brushed against Ed's jaw. Ed flushed even brighter and thought of things that were sure to get rid of his naughty thoughts: his pupils or the teacher noticing him in this state with Roy right beside him, how he thought everyone would react when they found out about his automail, the reactions of his previous classmates when THEY found out, and how poor Al was stuck at Granny Pinako's with her trying to force him out of his armor the entire time.

It worked. In less than five seconds, all signs of Ed's arousal had disappeared. He had done so just in time to, as his classmates were just starting to file in. He saw some curious glances in his direction that turned to blatant stares once they realized who Ed was sitting with and that Ed was the kid from gym class with the metal arm. Roy noticed where they were looking and said "So, made a reputation for yourself already, have you?" Ed averted his eyes. "Roy, you see… The thing is…" One particularly loudmouthed kid in the front row stood on his chair and shouted "Oi! Ain't you the kid with tha' metal arm? They did say ya were short, but I thought they was exaggeratin'… Guess not."

Ed whirled on the lanky ginger boy who was not that much taller than Ed himself and shouted "Who are you calling a midget that's so short the only thing that could maybe see him would be one of those space cameras a foot from his face, you damned jerk!" The class looked like they were watching a tennis match, Mrs. Curtis was just watching with one eyebrow raised, and Roy snorted before bursting into a fit of muted snickering. Eyes bugged at Roy, never had any one of them, EVER, seen the dark senior laugh. He was still one of the most popular kids in the entire school, but no one had ever witnessed him laughing or even smiling. The closest thing any of them had ever seen to a smile from Roy was the absolutely contented expression Roy wore when he was playing his cello… An expression not too unlike the one he was wearing now, despite the snickers. And he still had his eyes trained on Ed.

Izumi Curtis watched the brawl begin, but after a few moments, her eyes would always drift to the man watching Ed with an expression on his face that looked… Like he was home. Like who he was looking at was all he would ever need. Izumi stared and then smiled gently. The poor boy was infatuated and he didn't even notice. And the Elric boy… That soft expression he was looking at Mustang with- it was like Roy was his home, too. He was in love, of that Izumi was sure. _Roy Mustang, if you hurt Edward… I will never forgive you. _


	4. If You Were Gay and Farther Away

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist; all credit goes to Hiromu Arakawa. **

This chapter was written by listening to If You Were Gay by Avenue Q and Never Too Late by Three Days Grace. I hope the former didn't influence my writing _that _much, otherwise this is going to be insanely random… Yeah.

_**Warnings for this chapter- Ed used to… do some things for money. Just a warning. Other than that, it's the same as usual, but Ed and Envy WILL be friends. If you have a problem with that… Well, live with it. Ed and Envy are quite similar, and I thought that if it weren't for the whole homunculi-mortal-enemies thing, they could be great friends. Shounen-ai may be involved as well. I probably won't be doing lemons until a while later, and the warning for that will be in the chapter title. There will also be a border to warn you when the lemon begins so you can skip over that bit if you want. **_

On an additional note, I am now officially available as a Beta! Yay! *_crickets* _

… I guess you guys aren't as exited as I am. Now, one last thing before I start this chapter: I am going to try and make fanfictions for all the categories I can betaread for, so I may not have _quite _as much time to work on this. The updates for Whiplash will probably be on Friday nights, Saturdays, or Sundays. But I WILL try my best to update as much as I can. I would also like to get at least one more review before the next chapter goes up.

Whiplash Ch. 4- If You Were Gay and Never Too Late

The time in Chemistry flew by. Ed learned that Mr. and Mrs. Curtis **were** in fact married, but they were to call the latter Teacher to avoid confusion. Ed admitted that that had been worrying him, but that was only in his head. He didn't want to come off as a dork, **especially **with the ange- ROY right beside him. It was hard not to call the older man an angel, because that was exactly how he looked. A fallen angel in the middle of Hades' Asscrack, Amestris.

If there was one thing in this world he was certain of, it was that he had a strange sort of obsession with Roy Mustang. And if there were two things… The second would be that Roy was so far out of his league that it was a crime for Ed to taint his perfection by being in a 100-mile radius of him. After all, Roy was probably pure to the fullest extent. And even if he wasn't, he had probably lost that pureness to someone far better than Ed could ever hope to be.

Someone stunningly intelligent, incredibly beautiful and talented… Someone with a brilliant smile that just _lit up_ his face and the nearby vicinity with mirth. A person that was so like Roy, and would cherish the gift of Roy's affection every day for the rest of eternity. Just standing next to the black-haired Mustang made him feel almost… whole again.

But then it would come back that Ed **wasn't **pure. He would never quite be whole again. This damage was of the kind that couldn't be fixed.

_ (Flashback)_

_ Ed sat on the plain bed with his head bent, staring at the clenched fists in his lap. The room he was in was nice enough- pale blue walls, a cream-colored nightstand with a drawer in it, and luxurious black sheets on the king-sized bed. He wasn't this way because he was displeased with the room… Just what went on in it._

_ Ed hated that he had to do this, but it was to keep Al and himself alive. In that moment, he heard the door open and turned to see who he got this time. He sighed. So, James was back again, huh? The guy was good-looking enough with chocolate brown eyes and hair but he was married. And the guy liked it rough. He consistently refused to lube or prepare Ed in any way, and wouldn't even have tried to help Ed get any pleasure out of it, except that he liked the feel of Ed's walls clenching around him as he orgasmed. _

_(End Flashback) _

The memory of this must have been too much for Ed to handle at the moment, as no one seemed to have noticed that he was in a flashback so he would have had to forcibly ejected himself out of his memories. Ed knew he was shaking slightly if his hands were any indication. Roy looked over to the shaking teen, concerned once he saw Ed's pale face and dilated pupils, tiny shudders wracking his lithe form.

Ed thanked every god he could think of when the bell rang before Roy had a chance to ask him what was wrong. He ran out of the room as quickly as his attempts to **not** notify the public of his metal leg would allow. He had been pleased to find out after Music that his and Envy's lockers were 67 and 69 respectively. Envy said that he had burst into hysterical laughter when he found out what his locker number was in freshman year, though Ed couldn't imagine why.

When Ed had asked Envy why it was so funny, Envy went wide-eyed and just **stared**. That was confusing Ed. Envy then started muttering "…how could he not know, he's attractive enough…well, pretty hot if you think about…too damned innocent for his own good." Envy then proceeded to EXPLAIN to Ed, in the MIDDLE of the freaking HALLWAY, exactly what the number 69 meant.

By the time Envy had finished explaining, Ed's eyes had gone impossibly wide and his cheeks were burning a shade of red to rival his shirt. People were shooting him sympathetic glances as they passed; they all knew how Envy could be after going to school with him for 4 years. Ed pitied those who had ended up getting this same explanation.

Ed talked of the Art class that he had been slotted in for directly after Music, and the duo discussed the teacher, Mr. Hughes, who had memorials to and photos of his young daughter, Elisya, plastered on any and every available surface in the room. Envy had had the psychopath as well, and they talked about what would keep him from going on one of his infamous rants about his daughter as they walked to lunch. Ed knew the two of them made an odd (yet strangely similar) pair as they walked down the hallway together. He knew people were staring as they walked past… And for the first time in a long time, it didn't bother him.

The walk there was fairly uneventful, but that changed when they sat down. Ed had just pulled out his bottle of orange juice and granola bar when Roy appeared. "Hey, Ed. Do you want to come and sit with my friends and I?" he jerked a thumb towards a table. Ed saw that there was only one available seat and, ignoring Envy's frantic motions for him to go ahead, calmly said "I'm sorry, but I promised that I would sit with Envy today, and we're friends."

Roy shifted uncomfortably on his feet for a few seconds and then asked "Well, do you mind if I sit here?" Ed looked towards Envy, who nodded. "Sure, that's fine." As soon as Roy had gotten out of hearing distance, Envy gave a high-pitched squeal. "Oh, Ed! I can't believe it! Roy Mustang- not only does he want to sit with you at lunch, but he's willing to leave **his table **so he can sit with you! And you've got it bad too, I can tell."

Ignoring the comment about his liking Roy that hit far too close to home for comfort, he said "What's so special about Roy's table or him coming to sit with us?" Envy almost choked on his water, but then sputtered "Y-you don't KNOW? Well, I suppose I never told you, did I? Roy is one of the most popular guys in the entire school, even though he seems really scary, and is sometimes very rude to people who annoy him."

"He's actually the only son of a very rich family of doctors, surgeons, scientists, ect. But he can be really sweet sometimes, and he's absolutely amazing on the cello." Before Envy could continue his little fangirl-rant, Roy showed up with an admittedly quite handsome blond at his side. "Uh, this is Havoc, one of my close friends. Can he sit here as well? The other guys sometimes tease him about his hair color when I'm not around."

Envy's eyes flickered with recognition before he nodded. When Roy and Havoc sat down, Ed pulled a bag out of his backpack, and Envy's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "No way, you got RBS'?" Havoc, oh so eloquently, voiced what both he and Roy were thinking at that moment: "What the hell is an RBS?"

Envy's eyes didn't even glance his way as he said "Rich bitch squares…" in a sort of entranced voice. Only then did Roy notice the brand name of _Ghiradelli© _and just under that- _Milk Chocolate with Almonds. _Roy made a mental note that Ed liked that particular chocolate. Ed caught Envy's look that said _'You and me are going to have a talk about what's going on here later' _and he nodded slightly in response. All throughout lunch, they were subject to gapes and stares as they talked and laughed and joked.

But they didn't notice, and if they had, they wouldn't have cared.


	5. The NotAuthor's Note

Alright. I know you're technically not supposed to take up an entire chapter for an Author's Note, but this will also be an index for the chapters that have already been written, may give a sneak peek at the next chapter, and is also going to be my shameless plug time for my other stories. So, it's not really just an Author's Note.

First off, Polly The Lemon- It is not only a birth disorder, autism can also be caused by extreme childhood trauma. I may not be a shrink, but I'm pretty sure seeing your mother get burned alive into a rotted corpse and your brother lose two of his limbs to the same incident would be traumatic enough, would it not?

Ultamiteyaoifangirl (Chapter 4) - Yes, yes he is. I've always liked the RoyxEd fandom, but only recently did I actually have a decent idea to write one.

Takumo Tasuro- D'aww, thanks! *hands cookie* I'm glad you like it. Much sweat, tears, and blood went into this one (and no, I'm not kidding about the blood bit). As with my other fanfics, Behind Blank Eyes, The Fading Light Inside, and I'm Not Weak. Also, I am planning on doing a Harry Potter fanfiction. It's another 'read-the-books' one, yes… But it has a twist (which you shall see once it's up. And no, James and Lily Potter will NOT be coming from the past. The only one who WILL be coming from the past is Sirius, five seconds before he died.) Also, this will be SLASH. And there shall be lots of Dumbledore, Ron, Ginny, Dursley, and some Molly bashing.

Amelia L. jones (Chapter 4) – Yeah, I always thought they'd be great friends if it weren't for the whole homunculi thing too. Yeah, I figured I should explain why Ed was so… well, uke-ish, and the best way to do that was a flashback. And yes. Hughes is awesome. I kind of hate the owner a little for killing him…

Chapter One: Whiplash

Chapter Two: I Hate My Life

Chapter Three: You've Been Jinxed, Bitch!

Chapter Four: If You Were Gay and Farther Away

And…

(COMING SOON)- Chapter Five: Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy, and Haunted

Here's that little preview I promised.

_ " Ed? What happened? Are you… crying? What's wrong?" _

_ " …Roy, I have to… I have to tell you something." _


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Guys... I'm really sorry about this. There's no excuse for being this late, I know it. But I had some family drama going on and I couldn't get anything posted... And now I have writer's block. I've had some really tough problems lately but I will try to get through this chapter- even though I don't remember what my motivation was for writing this anyway- for you guys. On a further note, I have decided to keep the AN in the story because I feel it answers some very important questions. **By the way... I had NO intention of putting it in this story originally, but there will be some experimental EnvyxEd shounen-ai. Nothing serious, just... Like when you kissed your best female friend to see what it felt like.** **Basically, it's Envy's way of trying to make Ed admit that he's gay. Oh, and Ed's a bit of a masochist in this chapter!**

Ed was being followed. He was pretty sure he knew who was doing it, he just didn't know WHY. It would be so typical of the man to drive a deep blue Mustang with real leather interior and a running silver horse airbrushed on the side. During their social hour (Lunch) Roy had _happened_ to mention that his family owned the company. He knew a bit about cars, which his father was proud of. His mother, on the other hand, freaked out anytime Roy had even a sliver of a chance of damaging his 'magic fingers.'

When Roy had used that exact phrasing at the lunch table, Ed had blushed and bit his tongue while dirty jokes and raunchy images were running rampant in his diseased mind. But now, he couldn't help but notice something. Roy's mother had said 'magic fingers' as if not everything about Roy was magic. Ed had to agree with her on the bit about him getting hurt. Ed wouldn't be able to bear it if Roy was laying in a hospital room somewhere.

Envy was in the car with him. The androgynous boy had asked if he wanted to have a sleepover that night, as for reasons yet unknown to the general public, there was no school tomorrow. Ed had asked Winry if she could babysit that night. The blond complied, and he left her with a parting shout of "And don't do anything I wouldn't do twice!" He had been forced to dodge a flying wrench, but it had been worth it. Al and Winry had been crushing on each other since preschool days, and all they needed were a few pushes in the right direction.

Envy had prepared the unsuspecting blond a manual. It was titled 'HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SHINICHI FAMILY.' Ed had asked who the Shinichi family were, and Envy had told him that they were his adopted family. Everyone in the family was adopted, because the mother couldn't have children. Envy had told him to read the manual before driving within a block of the house. He said some of his siblings could just smell a newcomer. Ed was doubtful, but pulled into the parking lot of a nearby gas station when he was urged and read the manual.

Apparently, Envy's siblings were named Greed, Lust, Gluttony, and Wrath. Well, they weren't officially named that. You see, the mother was named Sloth. The kids thought it was cool, and gave themselves nicknames that ended up being transferred to their school records because they refused to respond to anything else,

Except Envy. He had been adopted at age 10. Nobody had given him a name, so when he became part of the Shinichi family, he carried on the tradition. One tip Envy had given him was to never, EVER call a Shinichi by their first name unless you wanted to piss them off. Ed took that bit very seriously. He knew how much it grated on his nerves to hear his full first name. Al did't really mind it... But then again, the boy wasn't in his right mind.

According to the guide, they all mostly acted according to their names. Envy had said the quickest way to Greed's heart was to bring presents, so Ed planned on stopping at a gift shop somewhere before driving there. Lust tended to make innuendos at any point in time, throwing them into conversation whenever she could if there was a new person around. Luckily, after spending the day with Roy, the blond had mostly learned to control his blushes. Gluttony stayed in his room and never came out. He even sent Wrath to bring him food. Wrath, on the other hand, was a very energetic and bright child... But if you messed with him, his stuff, or anyone he cared about, he would come after you. But he was mostly a very adorable child contrary to his nickname. When Ed finished reading the manual, he put it in his backpack (in case he needed it later) and drove to a local gift shop with a jewelery store next door to get some things. Envy had protested, saying that he didn't need to get them anything, but Ed ignored him. He had plenty of money.

For Greed, Ed got a rather expensive watch and pair of sunglasses as well as some real leather gloves. Lust's present consisted of a package of Dark Chocolate and Raspberry Ghiradelli squares, a beautiful necklace with dark red, black, dark purple, green, gold, and silver beads, and a pair of earrings. They had dangly (real) silver chains that had real rubies welded on. Gluttony... he had no idea what to buy for the man, but Envy had said he liked anime... He gave him the first season box set of Bleach and a few packages of candy Envy had mentioned that his brother cared for in passing. As for Wrath, Ed's gift for him was the easiest to pick out. He got Wrath a HUGE stuffed dragon and some candy. Now, Sloth's gift was the hardest. What do you give a single mom who has raised five kids on her own who you know nothing about? He decided on a cashmere scarf and gloves, as winter was coming, and a pair of beautiful opal earrings (Envy's guide listed the birthdays. Hers was in October, so Ed decided to give her her birthstone.)

And when Envy wasn't looking, he grabbed a bottle of black nail polish, Lindor Truffles, and a thick silver chain with a tiger charm on it. He rushed to the counter with his... Five baskets of gifts. The cashier's eyes widened at the pile of stuff, and narrowed suspiciously when he saw who was trying to buy it. There was no way the kid could afford this stuff. His mind changed very quickly when he saw the bulging wallet Ed pulled out of seemingly nowhere. He rang up everything as fast as he could, and he asked the young man if he'd like these wrapped. Ed decide to color code the wrappings: gold for Greed, purple for Lust, red for Wrath, green for Envy, blue for Sloth, and orange for Gluttony. The dragon couldn't be wrapped, so Ed ended up carrying it out and throwing it in the backseat. Envy, who had left some time ago claiming illness at the amount of money Ed was spending on his family, went wide-eyed at the mountain of purchases.

He threw everything in the back and ignored Envy's protests, interrupting him with loud requests for directions. When they finally got there, Ed was grateful he had purchased such expensive gifts. Envy lived in a frigging mansion! A lakeside mansion! And the lake was named after them! When he parked his car in the vast driveway, people came filing out the front door. A petite, delicate looking brunette that Ed assumed was Sloth, a tall, busty raven-headed woman wearing dark red lipstick (definitely Lust) a tall man with spiky black hair, whom the many earrings gave away as Greed, and a little boy with slightly less so than Greed, but still spiky hair and red eyes could only be Wrath. Ed wasn't surprised that Gluttony wasn't there. Envy hopped out of the car when he saw the glares directed at Ed, and the blond followed suit.

"Guys, this is Ed. He's a friend. He's nice but a bit shy, so if any of you scare him away, I'll bash your heads in. Got it?" The siblings nodded frantically, quite afraid of Envy's promise, but the brunette just smiled. She hadn't been glaring in the first place. "Soo, Envy! Got a new boyfriend, huh?" Ed felt a red-hot blush coming up and replied as calmly as he could, "I'm not Envy's boyfriend. We're just friends. I'm new here, and he helped me around the school so I didn't wind up somewhere in Middle Earth." A few people including Envy let out a snort at that. Damn, the kid was funny. "Ed, nice to meet you." He held out his non-metal hand to Sloth, who ignored it and pulled him into a hug. "It's so nice that Envy finally has a friend! I thought his bad attitude had driven anyone decent away! So anyway, what's your last name?" Ed, who had finally been let loose from the slightly crushing embrace, hesitated. He didn't want their first impression of him to be his last name.

Thankfully, Lust seemed to understand. "You can tell us when we get to know you a bit better, but we WILL find out within the next half-hour. Okay?" Ed gulped and nodded. Then he remembered the gifts he had piled up in the backseat. "Oh, I almost forgot! In the spirit of trying to make a good first impression on the only people I've really met in this town and who are also the family of one of my best friends, I got you all gifts!" The petit genius dashed off to his car, getting Wrath's gift first. He would bring the others' out in a minute, but the dragon was so huge that he wouldn't have been able to fit that and any gift bag other than Wrath's in his arms. The little boy's eyes widened then they saw the huge dragon, and he broke into a smile when he saw the dragon heading for him. He was overjoyed by the dragon, and he loved the candy. Ed smiled gently when he saw the little boy playing with the dragon, and a flash of pain came into his golden eyes when he remembered that Al used to be that happy. Ed hid it with a fake smile, but everyone except Wrath noticed.

He ran back to the car and picked up all the gifts. He gave Sloth hers first, who gasped at how soft the scarf and necklace were, and cooed over the beautiful earrings. Everyone, especially Lust and Envy, crowded closer. "Damn, those things are real!" Lust turned to him. "Like you didn't know!" Envy grinned and said "No, sister dear, I didn't. I had to leave after about five minutes because I was almost sickened at the amount of money Ed blew on you guys." Some people seemed a bit intrigued by that, and Ed was feeling mischievous so he gave Envy his gift next. He had to dodge a punch for that one."You moron, why'd you buy ME a present? I'm not the one you're trying to win over, I'm already your friend. It's THEM you need to worry about!" the palmtree yelled, gesturing broadly at his family. At this point, Wrath and Lust had been reduced to a giggling pile of jelly, and the corners of Greed's mouth were twitching. Envy sighed and opened his gift. He instantly put on the necklace on, and after popping a truffle in, he said "Mimas mamoftst fout ohf fhishts. Hofh yuo know?" Ed took that to mean 'I was almost out of this. How did you know?' and said "I noticed the way you were fidgeting a little bit and looking at your nails. I knew for sure when you picked up the bottle but put it back when you saw the price tag. So, I decided to buy it for you." Envy nodded and went back to his chocolate.

Lust was staring at him, so he decided to give hers over next. She was bouncing when he walked over, and once she got the presents out of the paper... She squealed at a decibel that would have been going into sonar. She was happy enough about the chocolates and loved the necklace, but the earrings were what really got her. Envy and Greed's close inspection confirmed that both the silver and rubies were real, and Lust was so happy that she hugged Ed. Now, normally, this wouldn't be a problem. Ed was pretty short and she was very tall and had heels on, so he would have been pulled into her stomach. Unfortunately for the poor blond, she had been so excited that when she pulled him in for a hug, she had used a bit too much force. Thus, Ed's face was being squished between her breasts. She didn't seem to notice or care, because she was twirling around and hugging him even tighter. Eventually, Ed managed to wrestle himself free.

He landed on his ass, red-faced and panting. This was where Envy intervened. "YOU MORON! THE FIRST FRIEND I GET AND YOU TRY TO SUFFOCATE HIM!" Lust looked around the green-haired male and saw Ed's face just returning to normal from the slightly blue color it had been a while ago. "Oh... Well, sorry...!" Envy just shook his head slowly and helped his friend to his feet. Gluttony and Greed's gifts were the last ones, so Ed gave the tall man his gift. Greed grinned when he saw the watch and shades, and gave the unsuspecting Ed a noogie when he saw the leather gloves. "Sweet. I've been wanting some of these for months!" Only then did someone notice the little orange bag laying, forgotten, on the hood of Ed's car. Greed said "Hey, shortie. What's up with the orange bag?" "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CALLING A MIDGET SO TINY THAT HE COULD DROWN IN A RAINDROP, YOU ASSHOLE!" Ed aimed a flying kick at Greed's head, but he was pulled back by Envy. "Ed, he didn't mean to call you that. And if he did, I'll kick his ass for you. How does that sound?" Ed growled and pulled slightly against Envy's restraining arms, but gave in and answered Greed's question. "It's for Gluttony. Does anybody know where he is?" Wrath grinned up at the blond and said he'd take it to him. The little boy took care to give strict orders to his dragon to protect them all while he was gone.

Ed smiled. Wrath was a lot like Al was before... That Day. So happy, so innocent and brutally honest about the way he saw the world. Childhood was an invaluable part of your life... A part where you could usually get away with being brutally honest about what you thought and nobody would blame you for it. Kids really didn't have to sugarcoat anything. He envied that. He had never really gotten a chance for that, because he always had to be careful about what he said at the social events their... father forced them to go to. And when he didn't have to do that, he had to sugarcoat because he had a job and talking disrespectfully would get you fired. Lust looked over at the golden-eyed boy and saw a look in those eyes... A look of remembered could she have not noticed it before? Those eyes... Were ancient. Far, far too old to belong to anybody not old enough to be a grandfather, and even then that might not have been old enough to have had a long enough (normal) life to hold that much sadness and pain. Soon enough, Envy followed her line of sight an went to go snap the blonde out of his daze.

Ed smiled gratefully at his friend when he was back to the world of the living. He might have been reminiscing for hours if Envy hadn't gotten his attention. Envy trotted into the house, and hesitated, looking back for Sloth's approval before he followed. Envy wasn't in sight, but Ed decided to go where his instincts took him. Luckily for him, he had excellent instincts. Before he knew it, he was outside a room with a sign proclaiming: SMART ZONE. NO MORONS ALLOWED! And then smaller, obviously handwritten in Sharpie: Greed, THIS MEANS YOU!

Ed chuckled softly before knocking on the door. "Come in!" Ed shrugged and opened the door. Envy was on the bed, wearing only a towel on his waist. Ed turned brilliant red, and spun so his back faced the taller male, who chuckled darkly. "I knew it. You ARE gay!"

Ed felt his face burn, but he didn't make a sound. Envy flipped Ed around so they faced each other. Their faces were only inches apart... Ed squeaked when searing-hot lips met his own. He was stiff as a board for a moment, and then relaxed. Envy was, surprisingly, quite gentle. He kept it chaste until the very last second where, from sheer instinct, he licked the shorter boy's lip. Then he ended it. Ed looked up at the purple-eyed male, quite confused and very turned on. "I KNEW it! You're gay! I knew, I always knew!" Ed deflated his bubble a bit by saying. "No. I'm pansexual." When Envy seemed confused to hell, Ed explained. "Pansexual... Is a sexuality where you don't care what gender the person is. It's not what gender they are that attracts you,

it's who they are as a person. All of them, not just their gender or looks." Envy nodded slowly. That sounded like Ed. "So, you're attracted to Roy as a person?" Ed turned red, but nodded. Turning his head to the left slightly, Envy could see a black string poking out somewhere... He grabbed ahold of it and snapped it back. A thong... Ed squeaked and bent his head to hide his face...Whether he would admit it or not, the blond had enjoyed that...

"You're not a virgin, are you?" his voice was unusually soft. Ed shook his head and began to tell his new friend the story of his miserable life. When he was finally up to present time, Envy was shocked to say the least. To think that Ed, the cheerful, bright and brilliant boy used to be a prostitute? When he found his voice again, he reminded Ed that he'd have to tell Roy about all of that, including his current crush on the man. Ed nodded and said he understood. Envy frowned slightly, as if trying to remember something, and then grinned. He pulled a phone out of... Somewhere Ed didn't see, and looked in his contacts for a while before finding the one he wanted. "Roy? Yeah, it's Envy. Can you come over to my house? Yeah, it's the same address as last time. By the way, Ed says hi! See ya, horsie!"

When Roy reached Envy's house, he got a text saying he should climb through the window. He rolled his eyes, but began the slow climb up the oak tree that was next to Envy's window on the third floor. Unfortunately, none of the branches came quite to the balcony. Luckily, Envy had a balcony outside his window, so this was possible. But Roy would have to take a risky jump. He could land on his back or feet on the patio, perfectly fine... Or he could drop about fifteen feet to the ground. Then he remembered that this was for Ed. So, he jumped. He landed on his back with the wind knocked out of him, but otherwise fine. Envy grinned and slid open the door. Ed was sitting on the bed, shaking slightly. "Roy, I- I have to tell you something.

Ed told Roy everything. Roy was amazed at the strength Ed had displayed to make it through to be one of the sincerely kindest and most considerate people he knew. "Are you angry with me?" Ed asked hesitantly when he was done telling his story. Roy smiled softly. "No, it's not your fault."

"And I found out our very own chibi is a bit of a masochist!" Ed's blush from before came back full-force and he buried his head in Envy's comforter. Roy raised an eyebrow at Envy, who reached over, grabbed ahold of the thong string, and snapped it back. Ed jerked and mewled. Roy was shocked and very turned on. "A thong, Ed? Really?" Ed and Envy chorused. "You can't wear anything else with these/those pants." Roy leered slightly and said "Well, remind me to thank whoever invented leather pants." Ed's face shot up from the bed, and he stared at Roy, who grinned evilly. "As for the masochist bit... Well... I'll be making use of that at a later date. "

As one would imagine, Ed was very worried for his mental state at that point.

I'm really sorry this was so short, but... My brain was shot and this chapter, if I had posted it as it was yesterday, would have consisted almost entirely of three or more pointless lemons that some people might not have been very pleased with me about, and I thought it best not to go into that so quickly. If you want the lemons back, well... Write a reveiw or PM me saying you want them back. We could talk about emailing you the uncencored version or posting it as a seperate oneshot, but I don't think I'll be putting any lemons in this story for a while.


	7. The Holiday Special

Yay! It's Christmas! And for your pleasure (and as a little Christmas present) I have decided to give you... A collection of pointless oneshots that could fit in this story but are really kind of stupid so I didn't want to put them in there! And at the very end, we have a Christmas Special Feature!

"Awwww..." the women and Ed cooed over the photo. Ed was at Roy's house right now, having tea with his parents. In the middle of the event, Roy's mother had busted out the old, embarrasing baby photos. Fortunately for Roy, the boy had been called to do some paperwork in the auto shop, so he wasn't present for this would-be humiliating moment. The photo itself was of Roy in his crib... Sucking on one thumb, holding a horse plushie in a death grip with his other arm.

Ed was almost mad at Roy for not showing him this earlier, but... He digressed. He wouldn't want Roy to see a photo of him like this either.

Turns out, Roy wasn't going for paperwork, he had been invited over to Winry's house to go look at baby pictures over out, Ed had a stuffed mouse when he was a child. And the universe returned to being balanced.

Ed grinned. Awesome. He was currently making beef stew from scratch. He chopped the carrots and celery, and then dumped them in the beef gravy-stock along with some canned peas and potatoes peeled and cut into bite-sized peices. While that was coming to a simmer, he got some peices of steak and tossed them in a skillet. Once they were cooked all the way through, he put them in the stew as well. He stirred the mixture a few times,and decided that they should have something to go along with that.. Aha! Ed quickly scrubbed out the skillet, washed some potatoes, cut them into thicker julienne strips, and put them in some hot oil that he had on the pan without peeling them. Once they were golden-brown and crispy, he dumped them out onto a plate covered in paper towels. Then he rushed over to the sink to put some cold water on the burning-hot pan.

He flinched slightly at the loud sizzling noise it made, but waited until the steam stopped before turning the water off. "AL! DINNER!" Ed seemed to be very proud of himself when Al came down with his mouth watering at the great smell. They got through most of the dinner in peace until Al decided to ask a question. "Brother, if you hate milk so much, why do you like stew made from scratch? That has milk in it."

"... Shut up."

Al giggled quietly and resumed eating his fries.

AND NOW, THE HOLIDAY SPECIAL!

"I'm not coming out."

"But Ed, I'm sure you look so cut-" "NO. GO AWAY."

Roy seemed thoroughly cowed, but Envy growled under his breath and rolled his eyes, storming towards the curtain. He stuck his arm in, grabbed Ed's wrist, and pulled him out from behind the safety of the black silk curtain. Roy's mouth dropped. Here was his previously-droolworthy boyfriend... Now looking absolutely edible in a red babydoll (women's lingerie) with white faux fur trim. He also had on red high heels to match. His hair was down, and the rosy blush on his cheeks clashed in just the right way with the rest of his outfit.

Ed was nervous. Roy hadn't said anything for a few minutes now, he was just taking in his clothing. Maybe he shouldn't have let Envy drag him to Victoria's Secret...

As soon as he slightly regretted coming there, Roy's dark, lusty eyes pinned him where he stood. Envy slipped into the background, telling the cashier to ring up that babydoll and heels. He brought her a different one with a tag on it, and told her it was the one on the blond over there. When she saw Ed's long hair, she mistook him for a girl, and when she saw how Roy was looking at him... Well... She turned a shade of pink to rival her dyed hair, and nodded quickly. He slipped her a twenty and told her to let the blond wear it out of the store. She quickly agreed. Envy borrowed her scissors, snipped the tag off without Ed or Roy noticing, and thanked the lady. Then he grabbed ahold of Roy's earlobe, pulled, twisted, and guided him back to the car.

Ed shivered once they got outside. It was Christmas. Normally Victoria's Secret would be closed today, but Ed had used his family connections to get the store to be open today with someone who didn't have any plans for the holiday being paid overtime to work less than an hour. But the cold snow hitting his flaming face felt good... It turned slightly less pure when they melted and started to slowly glide down the crevices of the blond's body... By the time they got to the car, Ed had little wet trails all over him and was breathing a little heavily and Roy... Well, he was lucky he could walk.

Envy drove like a madman to Roy's rented apartment... Because he didn't want to bear witness to what would be going on next. Well, he did... He just couldn't without it becoming painfully obvious that he was a complete pervert. Envy sighed. Oh well... Once he got home, he'd just read Junjou Romantica. Before any of them knew it, Ed and Roy had been practically thrown from the car which was now speeding down the highway as Envy somehow managed to resist looking back.

-*No lemons yet, sorry. If you want me to post this as a kind of oneshot thing, PM me or leave a reveiw saying so. I'd do it if you wanted me to. I could write it today- I just need at least one person to tell me that they would like me to write it. Thanks! *-


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